‘I would,’ he said through clenched teeth, ‘have done anything for you.’
Allie stared at him, stunned. This was not Carter. He never acted like this. Reaching up, she touched his temple lightly with her fingertips – he flinched away.
‘I’m so sorry I hurt you,’ she whispered, her lip trembling. ‘I just … I hoped you would understand how important it was for me to see Christopher. And I care about you so much …’
He didn’t wait for her to finish. Shoving her away roughly, he stepped back.
‘And I hoped you would understand how important it is for you to trust me. But you don’t. And I’m starting to think …’ To her horror she realised there were tears in his eyes. ‘I think you never will.’
When he walked out of the room, he didn’t look back.
TWENTY-ONE
The next morning Allie felt numb.
Numb to pain, numb to danger. Numb to anything the world had left to throw at her.
When Isabelle called her to her office to tell her a tribunal was scheduled for that evening to consider her punishment, she just nodded.
Of course that was next.
‘Tell them the truth,’ Isabelle said, ‘the way you explained it to me.’
‘Will they kick me out?’ Allie asked. She only half cared what the answer would be, but Isabelle’s simple reply stung.
‘I don’t know.’
After that, Allie retreated to the forced quiet of the library where, in a dim corner, she tried to bury herself in work. There was nobody for her to turn to. She couldn’t even really tell Rachel why she and Carter had had the fight – not without getting into more trouble, anyway.
Besides, what was the point? She knew what everybody would say. They’d say, Why didn’t you tell Carter instead of Sylvain?
And now that she thought about it, that was a perfectly good question. Why didn’t she? Over and over again Carter’s words resonated in her head. ‘Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel anything for Sylvain …’
As she flipped through the pages of her history textbook, it was images of Carter’s face she saw. The intensity of his reaction had frightened her. It was the first time it ever occurred to her that he might really break up with her over Sylvain.
Tears stung her eyes and she swiped them away with the back of her hand.
What’s the point in crying? she asked herself bitterly. It won’t help anyone.
‘Hey, are you OK?’ Jo slipped into the chair next to hers, looking at her with concern. She seemed better than yesterday – her face wasn’t red.
Still, Allie really didn’t want to talk to her right now. So she lied. ‘I’m fine.’
Jo ran a nervous hand through her short blonde hair. ‘Look, I wanted to apologise for losing it – anything to do with Gabe makes me completely mental.’
‘You shouldn’t apologise,’ Allie said, setting down her pen with a sigh. ‘I’m the one who caused all the trouble.’
‘You were doing what you had to do,’ Jo said, surprising her. ‘I don’t think anyone would have done differently. But I’ve heard they’re planning some sort of stupid tribunal for you and that pisses me off so much. I’ve already told Isabelle how freakin’ stupid it is, but she won’t do anything.’ Jo kicked a leg of the table. ‘As bloody usual.’
Allie stared. ‘How do you know about that?’
Jo made a dismissive gesture. ‘That doesn’t matter. What matters is this: I’ve told Isabelle if they expel you I’m going, too. OK? And I just wanted you to know that.’
‘Jo …’ Allie didn’t know what to say. She was horrified and pleased in equal measures. ‘You can’t.’
‘I can and I will.’ Jo’s tone was emphatic. ‘I want to leave anyway. It hasn’t been the same since everything happened over the summer. Maybe I’ll go to that finishing school Lisa’s at in Switzerland. I could meet some handsome Swiss prince and live happily ever after. Anyway,’ she didn’t wait for Allie to respond, ‘I just wanted you to know. Especially after what they did to Sylvain.’
Allie’s mouth went dry. ‘What do you mean? What did they do to Sylvain?’
‘Haven’t you heard?’ Surprised, Jo blinked at her. ‘He had his tribunal yesterday. They’ve put him on probation and suspended him from senior Night School activities.’
The rush of relief made Allie feel lighter. He wasn’t expelled.
The day crept by at an achingly slow pace. By nine o’clock, when Allie’s tribunal was due to take place, she longed for it to just happen. Whatever the verdict.
Just before nine, she walked down the cold basement stairs alone. She didn’t know what to expect but told herself she no longer really cared. Nonetheless, the corridor seemed longer than usual and darker. She’d never felt more lonely.
When she saw Sylvain ahead of her, she instantly panicked, rushing to his side. ‘What are you doing here? Is something wrong?’
His bruises stood out in stark relief. One eye was still nearly swollen shut, and the cut on his lip looked raw. But he tried to smile anyway. ‘I just wanted to wish you luck.’
A sudden surge of emotion made it hard for her to talk; she bit her lip. ‘I heard what they did to you. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry.’ He held her gaze. ‘I’m not.’