“What are we looking at?” He asks, with the largest smile on his face, when I finally take notice of him.
“Are you destined to interrupt every embarrassing moment I have?”
“Looks like it.”
“Awesome. What? Do you get memos or something?”
“Possibly.”
“Mind forwarding those to me? I’d rather avoid these little moments if I could.”
“Where would be the fun in that?”
We all stand up and Sadie tucks herself behind her counter.
“What are you doing Julia? You have to tell me now.”
“I can’t Sawyer. Don’t ask again, please? I just can’t.”
Sawyer sighs. “Alright.”
Out of nowhere an uncomfortable silence creeps in and I’m not sure which direction it flew in from because I could have sworn I blocked all those exits when I was around Sawyer Tuttle.
“So? Sawyer?”
“Julia?” He grins.
“Do you know Robyn Larson?”
His eyes grow huge.
“I don’t mean know Robyn Larson. I mean just, like, do you know anything about her?”
“Uh, well.” He scrubs the back of his neck. “I don’t mean to gossip but I heard she might be pregnant.”
Sadie’s eyes beat Sawyer’s earlier expression.
“Oh,” I say. “Do you know who the...who the daddy is?”
“Julia!” Sadie says, choking on the water she was attempting to drink.
“I’m sorry. That’s an inappropriate question.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t think you’d know the father. I heard it’s....well, I heard it’s some boy from Charleston’s baby.”
“Oh dear.”
“Yeah. Sad.”
“Extremely,” I agree.
Sawyer peers out the colorful glass windows.
“Walk home with me?” Sawyer asks, throwing his shoulder the direction of the door.
Sunday, at church, my family sits two rows behind Elliott Gray’s family and I find myself wondering what he was doing yesterday with Robyn Larson. I really like her, despite her unfortunate reputation. She’s kind to everyone. I think she just forgets to show herself the same kindness.
He repeatedly shoots glances over his shoulder at me. I train my eyes to focus on the light fixture hanging from the rafter above his head. I wish so badly for him to ignore me. The body shivers, the heart aches, the chest tingles. They’re all proving to be too much with his longing looks stacked on top.
After the service, most Sundays, the families meet at Babe’s restaurant in Roanoke. We all pile into the overstuffed room and talk and laugh. I sit down and surprisingly Robyn Larson sits directly beside me just as Elliott Gray walks through the door. His tall form is highlighted from behind by the sun, casting a glow around his body. His blue eyes pierce through me and I almost topple over in my chair. Robyn catches me with a giggle.
“Hi,” she says.
“Hi,” I say back.
“Remember last year when you tried to be my friend?” She jumps in.
“Uh,” I laugh, “yeah.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t give you the chance you deserved.”
I clear my throat, “It’s cool.”
“It’s not. Yesterday I had a chat with a good friend of mine and he sort of helped me sort through a lot of things I’ve been going through lately. I mentioned that you tried to help me once and he told me you were exactly the kind of girl I should be friends with and I couldn’t agree more. So, friends?” She asks, holding out her hand.
“Friends,” I say and squeeze her hand.
“I’m glad because I’m going to need one.”
“Well, a friend in need is a friend indeed.” I shake my head. “Sorry, that was lame. I’m out of practice.”
“No, it kind of wasn’t,” she says through fought tears.
“You okay?” I asked and pushed my shoulder into hers.
“Yeah. Well, I mean, I will be. I suppose,” she cleared her throat, “I suppose you may have heard a rumor or two about me?”
“What? That you’re extraordinarily kind?” I tease.
She laughed.
“Maybe you caught wind of the one that said something along the lines of ‘Robyn Larson is pregnant’?”
“I may have heard that from a little birdie.”
She grinned and brought a tissue to her nose.
“Well, it was true.”
“Was?”
“Yeah, well, it’s a long story but the gist of it is this; I fell in love with a boy who I later found out was mature enough to have sex but not to have a baby.”
My half smile fell from my face.
“What happened Robyn?”
“I was ready to have the baby. It wasn’t the snotty nosed kid’s fault, ya’ know?” She said through tears. “Anyway,” she continued, “I planned on giving it up for adoption. It just felt like what I needed to do, for me, anyway. My choice was to fix the mess I had made and the only way I could really be okay with that was by giving it up.”
I’m surprised by this.
“You’re kind of a bad ass you know that?”
“I felt like one.” She smiled. “The friend I told you about earlier encouraged me to give it up when I was struggling with what to do, even went with me to the adoption agency and everything. He helped show me that making the hardest decision of my life could also be about giving the greatest gift of my life. I was really happy, truly happy Julia. No regrets.” She wiped more tears away. “I was about three months along when I miscarried.”