These friendships of convenience were short lived because the girls found my personality ‘disconcerting’. I had no interest in cheering, the color pink, or any of the noise they liked to call ‘music’ but the kicker was when Taylor Williams developed her never ending crush obsession on Elliott Gray. She tried her darndest but he wasn’t noticing her and that meant there had to be a reason why.
Apparently, according to Taylor, I was that reason. I may have even survived my complete lack of identifying within this social circle had I never been friends with Elliott in the first place because when Taylor found out that Elliott ‘dumped’ me as his friend she felt guilty by association. That meant I was the contaminant that needed flushing. Long story short, Elliott’s dumping of me was her cue to do the same. You know, a show of solidarity and obviously after that Elliott fell madly in love with her right? Anyway, they are the reason I decided that the only one I could count on was, well, myself. It is the reason I’m a loner.
I sit at my table, like I said, alone. It sounds lame but man, sometimes I like being alone. Reading is literally my favorite thing to do in the entire world. If I was being honest, I’d have to admit that I didn’t try very hard to make friends but then again they didn’t make it easy either.
I set my sack of carrots on my lap, prop my feet on the chair next to me and start reading about Big Brother again. I almost forget about Elliott, almost. A stinging, buzzing sensation starts to creep into my chest and suddenly I hear, “I love that book.”
I glance with only my eyes and almost hyperventilate. It’s Elliott and he looks unbelievably sweet with his bulky black glasses and chin length black hair. He’s nervous, an extremely rare side of him. Only a handful of times had I ever seen him get nervous. He wasn’t even nervous that time in sixth grade when we almost slipped off the edge of the deep crevice by the old waterfalls and nearly went toppling to our deaths. He caught me and pulled me into his arms, consoling me. I was hysterical. He looked like he was barely bothered but now, now, he was fidgety and a light sheen had formed across his face. He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand and his long bangs stick to the side of his face.
“Carrots, huh?” He asks. He’s reaching.
I roll my eyes to prevent myself from giggling.
“Those are good for the eyes, I’ve heard. I see they’ve done wonders for your teeth too. Texas A&M did that study a few years ago. Did you hear about it?”
I don’t respond.
He continues, “No? Well a few years ago they developed a carrot that helps people absorb forty one percent more calcium than when they consume a regular carrot. Interesting right? Genetically altered vegetables?”
Oh my gosh. I feel like bursting out laughing he's so adorable. I’m not gonna’ make it.
“I certainly found that interesting,” he chuckles nervously. The cutest sound I’ve ever heard. “You may not, or maybe you did, I’m not sure. It’s certainly something a braniac should find interesting. You’re a braniac, right? I mean, you’re always reading, so I assumed. Not that I claim to be a braniac or anything. I’m of pretty average intelligence, I think.
I realize I should save him, throw a life preserver his way and all but I’m enjoying this sweaty version of Elliott way too much.
“Yeah, so, I heard they collaborated with Baylor’s College of Medicine in Houston. Houston’s a pretty crazy town or so I’ve heard. Supposedly the humidity is heck on girls’ hair. Your hair doesn’t seem to take on that much humidity. I’ve never seen it frizz anyway.”
He drums his fingertips on the table. A natural beat, something I’m sure he did absently, but definitely showcased that he was a learned drummer.
“As I was saying, it’s obviously done wonders for your teeth.”
I wonder what he’ll say next. I look up and study his expression. Elliott always made inadvertent insults the few times he got nervous.
“Yeah, your teeth are big and a pretty white.” He takes a deep breath. Here it comes. “You could mistake them for a horse’s.”
There it was. I almost run out of the cafeteria in a burst of laughter. If you could only see the look on the poor sap’s face. All the blood drained into his neck. He was a sight to be seen, face pale as death, neck red as beets. I have to look back down at my book to keep my composure.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to compare your teeth to a horse’s. I was only trying to point out how large they were. That is, I mean to say, that they are larger than most people’s. But! Perfectly proportionate to your face. Your face isn't huge or anything! Your face seems pretty average in its proportions. Yes, very well proportioned.” He sighs. “What I meant to say is that you have very beautiful teeth.”
I sit there, baffled, unsure of what I should say. Right when I worked up the nerve to turn to him and open my mouth, he turns to his backpack and removes a bottle of water, drinking half its contents.
“Jules,” he pants.
“Julia,” I say, not even sure I really said it.
“Julia, obviously I’m an idiot. All I want to do is talk to you. It’s extremely hard for me to talk to you.”
“Then you should stop,” I say. Please don’t stop.
“But I can’t.”
“But you should,” I say. I bite my tongue to prevent myself from taking it back.
I sit up and sigh, collecting my belongings as I head toward the double doors. I have to leave. I’m upset with myself for even considering for a moment that I should trust him again. The literal spark between us is too powerful a thing to give into. I know this. I know if I give into it I’ll fall so hard for him that when he eventually tires of the novelty he thinks I am, I won’t be able to recover. I’m obviously a glutton for punishment but I’m not suicidal. I’m certain that if I ever gave my heart to Elliott Gray and he brutalized it? It’d die, simple as that. It’s just not worth the risk. It truly is better to have never loved Elliott at all than to have loved him and lost him. Trust me, I tasted a glimpse of what it could do.