I never had trouble with schoolwork before Jules either, but she distracted me so often, even in the classes we didn’t share, that I would get home and have to try and teach myself everything I missed in class because the lessons behind the homework were never absorbed. I found myself wondering where she was, what she was doing, what she was wearing, how her hair looked, how she smelled, and what book she’d be reading at lunch the next day. And the weekends? The weekends were pure torture.
The Friday night of the second agonizing week, I left town and drove two hours to Charleston to get my mind off her. I went to an obscure little book store and actually wandered into the self-help section. I absently trailed my fingers along the titles praying there would be one that read ‘You’re insane Elliott Gray. Stop obsessing about Julia Jacobs’ or ‘She’s just a normal girl dummy. An abnormally beautiful and intelligent girl who just happens to share literal electricity with you but that’s nothing to get so worked up about’. Can you believe it? There wasn’t, but there was one ironically entitled ‘Getting over the one you’re obsessed with’. I laughed out loud, got a few shushes, and almost picked it up but stopped myself. I do need help, I thought to myself, but not this kind. Professional help. I began to pick my way through the aisles heading toward the Fantasy section. I was still waiting on Stefanie Conrad’s new novel to come out and wondered if it was there.
I took a right into the section and my heart nearly stopped cold where I stood. Jules was there. Reading from a book and had absolutely no idea that I was looking at her. I began to panic and my stomach tied into knots that would rival any sailor’s. I escaped the aisle without detection and found solace one row over. I knelt down, cursing my ridiculous height, and ran my fingers through my hair trying to think. Gotta’ get out of here, I thought. Can’t let her catch you. She’ll skin you alive and you’ll ruin any chance of talking to her again.
I shot up, kept my head buried in my neck and headed straight for the door. I could not have gotten out fast enough. I was confused, agitated. I leaned against the door of my truck and dug my hand into my pocket to find my keys. No! No! No! No! No! I left them inside the jacket I had strung over a reading chair inside. If my keys hadn’t been inside that store I would have said goodbye to one of my nicest jackets, that’s how eager I was to get out of there.
I thought about waiting for her to leave but didn’t want to risk being the real life example of the predator inside that stalker book if she saw me camped out in my truck or at a nearby shop. Plus, she knew my truck. If she hadn’t seen it coming in she would definitely spot it coming out being that it was right in front of the entrance.
I hated the idea of her thinking I was watching her. Why should I care now, right? When I’ve been watching at school and searching the town for her? Because, technically, back at home I was watching for her not at her. Yup, I had to go back in. I gave myself a little pep talk and strolled back into the store convinced she’d probably never even see me as long as I was quick. I opened the door and the little bell attached to the handle, rang. All eyes shot toward me but returned to their own business, except for one pair. Jules’ pair. She was in the checkout line purchasing her book. My face went flush and I tripped over a chair.
Her eyebrows pinched in confusion then seethed with anger. She thinks I’m following her. Damn it! Why did I have to pick this store? Of all stores? Why did I have to leave my keys in that stupid jacket in this stupid store?
I picked up the coat with a yank and headed back out toward my truck without giving her a second glance and shoved the store’s door open with all my might. I had never been so angry with myself in my entire life. I wish I had stayed home and played board games with my mom and pop or called Jesse and see if he wasn’t with a girl that night but I didn’t. Instead, I had daftly removed any sort of minuscule chance of making something real with the one girl I couldn’t stop thinking about.
The drive home gave me the opportunity to analyze what had happened over and over in my mind and by the time I had arrived, according to my calculations, the atom bomb might as well have detonated inside that store. I demolished any hope of a future with Julia Jacobs. I stormed off to my room, ignoring my parents’ stares. I slammed the door behind me and kicked on my stereo before toppling onto the bed and laid there staring at the plastered ceiling until I noticed I still had that insipid jacket on. I sprang off my bed, tore off the jacket and threw it across the room and sank back onto the bed with enough force that my hair landed in my face. I brushed it over my head when I heard a knock at the door and laid my arm across my eyes.
“Elliott? Honey, are you okay?” My mom sang in her deep southern accent.
“Yes mama,” I muttered beneath the crook of the arm draped over my face.
“Can I come in baby?”
“Sure mom.”
I didn’t budge. She walked into the room and I could hear her little footsteps stride across the wood floor before she lay on the bed next to me. I peeked underneath my arm and smiled at her as she folded her hands across her stomach. No matter how angry I was at myself I could never take it out on the one person who knew me the best.
“Sweetheart. There’s something wrong.”
“No, mama. There isn’t.”
“I wasn’t askin’ Elliott. I was tellin’.”
I remained quiet.
“You’ve been mopin’ around here for the past few weeks darlin’ and I wanna’ know why. You’re really starting to worry me. So, spill. Is it school?”