"You look bigger and more muscular than this summer." Most American guys I know don't look as serious or manly at eighteen years old.
"Survival training will do that to a guy."
I nod. Survival training. My survival training consists of running to the racks at Neiman Marcus on the opening day of their winter blowout sale. It doesn't tone my muscles, but it definitely does hone my skills in sniffing out the best deals before anyone else can get to them. Kinda different than being stuck in a desert with a gun as your only companion. Although Neiman Marcus can be considered a battleground on those winter blowout days.
"I missed you," I say. I omit the fact that I've thought about him every single day since I came back from my trip to Israel. I also fail to mention that I've been having doubts about our relationship...or non-relationship, as it might be. And even though I'm totally blown away with seeing him again, I don't want to be a "friend with benefits." I want more.
Does he? And where does Nathan fit into all of this? Ugh, I'm an emotional mess.
Avi's hand reaches out to mine. As he takes hold of it, the warmth and comfort I've been missing since the summer comes rushing back to me. His other hand touches my shoulder and slowly moves up, caressing my neck and cheek. I lean my cheek into his palm, the warmth of it drawing me in.
"I missed you, too," he says.
I tentatively lick my lips, scared for this first kiss that will tell both of us where we stand in this relationship. We've got a lot to live up to. Our summer makeout sessions were sensual and emotional and made me feel drugged without any chemicals or alcohol.
He leans forward, watching me. His eyes are fixed on mine. "I shouldn't want you so bad," he says, then his full lips capture mine.
It starts off like before. He brushes his lips over mine as if he's painting them... memorizing the shape and softness. I'm totally getting into it, but then my mind wanders. I have no clue why. Thoughts of Nathan, and Mutt's fiasco, and my mom's pregnancy, and the dates I keep bungling and...
When Avi's tongue reaches for mine, the events of the day are swirling in my head. And I have this nagging feeling I'm forgetting something really important, but I can't remember what. Especially while Avi's trying to take our kisses to the next level, concentrating is impossible.
I lean back and break the kiss.
Those beautiful brooding eyes are staring back at me. "What's going on? Is it that guy? Just tell me" he says.
Now I remember! With his lips on mine I couldn't think, but now my brain starts to function again. "I have to go to work," I say and hop off the couch.
18
***
Jonah tried to dis God by refusing to go to Nineveh as God commanded. The poor guy was thrown into the sea and sat in a fish's belly for three days as punishment (Jonah 2:1). Didn't Jonah know you can't hide from God--He knows everything. My boyfriend however, doesn't. (Except when my friends open their big mouths.)
***
Avi insists on accompanying me to work.
When we enter the elevator again, I want to tell him everything that's been on my mind and why I'm confused. But there's no time. My life is spinning out of control and there's no button or switch to stop it. Time sucks that way.
"Avi," I say. I don't really have anything to tell him, I just want him to stop looking away from me.
"Yeah?" he says, turning to me. I wish I could tell what he's thinking.
"I'll see if I can get some time off work this week so we can do some Chicago sightseeing."
"I don't need sightseeing, Amy."
He doesn't have to say he came here for me. The fact that he came all this way to spend a week in Chicago is flattering and overwhelming at the same time.
At the Perk Me Up! counter, I introduce Maria to Avi. Maria smiles wide and drops the cup she's holding so she can shake his hand. Then she giggles, which I've never seen her do before.
When I first met Avi it was a really confusing and awkward time in my life. To be honest, I was rebelling. Avi is the only guy who has ever challenged me. He stayed in the fight long enough to duke it out... mentally, of course. He's as strong on the inside as he is on the outside.
I'm taking care of customers. Avi sits on one of the big cushy chairs and waits. He's leaning back with his arms crossed in front of his chest and I can't believe he's actually here while I'm making skim vanilla lattes instead of spending time with him.
I glance over at him every time I have a free second. And when there's nobody else in the café, I ask Maria if I can make Avi one of my fave hot chocolate drinks.
"You didn't tell me he was visiting," Maria whispers while I'm mixing the drink.
"Yeah, well I didn't know. My dad did, though," I inform her as I top off the cocoa with a triple dose of vanilla-flavored whipped cream.
"And he forgot to tell you?"
"I guess they wanted it to be a surprise." I have yet to tell my dad I hate surprises. Surprises are like having your period in the middle of class. Initially you're shocked and confused, then you're embarrassed and have to deal with everyone staring at you. I'm self-conscious enough as it is; I don't need surprises in my life to make me feel more aware of people gawking at me.
Maria holds out a cup holder for me so I can slip it onto the perfectly made hot cocoa. "I miss my teenage years," she says with a wistful smile on her face. "Boys, school, friends. Enjoy it before you grow up and have more responsibilities than you ever signed up for."