"I need to lie down for a while," I say, then gently push her away. What I really need is a break from this old/ new barrage of family in my life.
As I walk into my room, the dark wood floor beneath my feet creaks, the sound reverberating in my ears.
It's a kid's room, I think to myself. Sports trophies and my Star Wars Anakin Skywalker lightsaber are still on my bookshelf where I left them, and a Paradise High School pennant is nailed above my bed. Hell, even the picture of Kendra in her cheerleading uniform is taped to my headboard as if we're still a couple.
I cut all ties with her when I got arrested. Kendra is a girl used to being pampered by her parents and would be grossed out by the people I've been living with for the past year. I could just imagine her snubbing Dino Alvarez's girlfriend during weekly visiting hours. The last thing I needed in the DOC was other inmates kicking my ass because I have a girlfriend who wears designer clothes and carries a two-hundred-dollar purse.
Visiting day for me consisted of Mom wringing her hands nervously and staring at me like I was someone else's kid, and Dad rambling on about weather and nothing in particular just to fill in the silence.
Walking to my bedroom closet, I finger all the new clothes Mom must have bought for me. What was she thinking? My t-shirts and jerseys are gone. In their place are geeky, button-down plaid shirts hanging like soldiers. On the shelves, all folded up like in a Gap store, are different shades of pleated pants.
I pick up a pair and hold them in front of me. They're way too small. When should I break the news to her I'm not the skinny kid who used to live here? I worked out every day for the past year to blow off steam and fend off guys like Alvarez. Muscles don't just weigh more, they change the entire structure of your body.
Sitting at my desk, I look out the window and glance at the Armstrongs' house. My window faces Maggie's bedroom.
Maggie Armstrong.
The girl I was convicted of maiming.
Okay, I know it's unfair. But it's hard not to want to blame her. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have been locked up. I've thought about Maggie and the events leading up to the accident more times in the past year than I want to admit.
"Caleb, you there?" Dad asks, then knocks.
Gotta love it when people knock. I haven't heard a knock in a year. I open the door and gesture for him to come inside.
My dad walks in and I close the door behind him. He's still got a full head of dark hair and a tailored mustache. He's okay as a dad, but a total wimp when it comes to standing up to my mom.
"Your mom's invited a few of her friends over after dinner." He hesitates, then adds, "For, um, a homecoming party."
A knot on the back of my neck starts to form. I rub it. A homecoming party for a guy who just got out of the slammer? Unbelievable. "Cancel it," I say.
The veins in his neck tense up and start turning a strange shade of purple. "Listen, it's what your mother wants. She's been through a lot this year with you in jail.
Just ... do what she wants and put on a show for her friends. It'll be easier for everyone if you play along."
"A show?"
"Yeah, plaster a smile on your face and humor the women in her social club. I do it all the time," he says, then leaves the room as quickly as he entered.
It takes a second to register what he just said. Smile? Show? I feel like I've been transported to some Hollywood movie set. But it's not a movie, it's my life.
Taking the lightsaber in my hand, I turn it on. Laser sounds fill the room when I wave the saber like a great Jedi warrior. God, how I used to spend hours dueling imaginary demons with this thing when I was a kid.
Now I've got new demons to fight.
Ones I can't make disappear with a wave of a toy.
FOUR
Maggie
"Maggie, look at what I bought for you." My mom
stands at my bedroom door in the evening, holding up a pair of pink velour pants and a zippered jacket. "The saleswoman said all the teenagers are wearing
"Nobody says hip anymore."
"Cool?"
I take the outfit from her. It's a Juicy Couture set, totally soft and nothing like my Wal-Mart clothes. "Mom, this must have cost over a hundred dollars. It's very cool, but we can't afford it."
"Don't worry about the money," she says, waving my concern away. "I put in some overtime at the diner and these. They're very, very hip. have a little extra this month. Besides, school starts Monday and I wanted you to have something hip, cool, whatever. Try it on." Mom does a little excited dance as she waits.
I wanted her to leave for work so I could call Sabrina and tell her I'm not going to the party. "Mom, it's seven thirty. Don't you think Mr. Reynolds will be upset if you're a half hour late?"
She smiles, her excitement hasn't waned. "Sweetie, I'm waiting for Sabrina to pick you up."
My stomach sinks to my knees. "Why?"
"Because it'll make me so happy to finally see you go out and have fun."
I feel the pressure building up and entering my lungs.
I dress in the velour outfit, and as soon as my mom sees me she's beaming. "Oh, sweetheart, you look gorgeous. Pink goes so well with your olive complexion."
I have to admit, the outfit is gorgeous. But I'm not. Although the pants hide my hideous scars, no amount of money can make an outfit hide the awkward tilt in my stride. After Mom watches me brush my stringy, dull brown hair and lends me makeup to wear, I find myself standing at the door waiting for Sabrina.