“We’re friends.”
“He doesn’t kiss you?”
Just one time in the woods when he caught me by surprise. Since then, I’d gotten better at heading Stalker off, forcing him to train with me and nothing else. His kiss hadn’t melted me like Fade’s did, either. Part of me wished they’d both stop with the Breeder nonsense and focus on more important business, but the rest of me wanted to be close to Fade. His arm felt good around my shoulders, as I recalled.
Before I could answer, he cupped my cheek in his palm, dark eyes searching mine. Apparently satisfied by what he saw, he leaned his brow against my head. My heart gave a treacherous thump at his nearness. It was late afternoon, sunny and bright, which meant anyone could happen on us. Though the rules weren’t strict here, I might get in trouble for sitting so close and letting him touch me, but I didn’t care.
“I missed you.” I didn’t mean to tell him so, even if it was true. Admitting need felt like weakness; it demonstrated dependence and vulnerability.
But when he lifted his head, his dark eyes shone brighter than I’d ever seen, like he held stars inside. “It’s been awful without you, but I thought you chose him. I was determined to respect your decision.”
“He’s a friend,” I said again. “But he’s not you.”
“Here, it’s not like it was down below,” he murmured. “There’s no shame.”
“In what?”
“This.”
His kiss didn’t surprise me. My response did. Delight surged from the moment his lips touched mine, and I pressed close, wanting to crawl out of my skin and into his. Fade wrapped his arms around me as if he felt the same, his whole body trembling. Such strong feelings terrified and elated me simultaneously. These sensations were the reason for the noises I’d heard down in the enclave, Breeders huffing and moaning as they made a new life. Before, I always imagined it was an unpleasant chore, like patrolling the back ways, and you put up with the process in order to achieve the desired result. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
When I pulled free, my heart beat furiously in my ears and I couldn’t catch my breath. Wonderingly, I touched my fingers to my lips.
I breathed, “That’s dangerous. How long have you known?”
“Known what?”
“That it could be so … so…” Words failed me.
“Good?” he suggested, but it was a pale description. Yet I lacked a better one, so I just nodded, and he replied, “Since the first time I kissed you.”
I remembered the occasion vividly; I’d towed him out of the throng after he won the festival challenge—to keep him from losing control and attacking the congratulatory crowd. Afterward, he caught his breath while I watched over him.
“I never had a partner pay this much attention to me before.”
That made me feel I’d overstepped. He’d had two before me, so he knew better than I did what constituted normal behavior. Maybe I watched him too closely. It was unsuitable, and Silk would demote me to Breeder if she ever found out.
“I should get back,” I muttered.
“Not yet.” In an unspeakable liberty, he snatched the tie from my hair, so it spilled around my face.
“Why did you do that?” My breath caught when he brushed the strands around my face just so. Touching me. We were on shaky ground here. If someone saw us—
“I wanted to see what you’d look like.”
Back off, I told myself. Walk away now. Instead I froze, gazing up into his impossibly dark eyes.
He bent his head and brushed my lips with his. His hair spilled against my forehead, sleek and startling. Shock held me immobile, shock—and something else. Part of me wanted to lean into him. I shouldn’t want that. A Huntress wouldn’t. Shame, confusion, and longing warred for dominance. Against my better judgment, I let my brow graze his jaw, just a whisper of heat, wrapped around me like a pair of arms. And then I drew back.
Even then, he had opened forbidden doors in my head, making me want things no Huntress could ever have. But Fade intrigued me with the reply, and I had to ask, “So you felt … glowy about me, even then?”
“‘Glowy.’” He repeated the word with an amusement that I should have found embarrassing. “That works. And yes. I have for the longest time.”
His surety summoned such warmth, as if I’d kindled a campfire in my belly, bright enough to banish the long weeks of doubt and confusion. He laced his fingers through mine and settled our joined hands on his knee, but he didn’t attempt anything more. Just as well. I wasn’t ready; but no wonder Momma Oaks was concerned. If all the girls Topside knew this about kissing, they probably had to worry about new brats popping up all over the place.
“It’s normal to enjoy being close,” I said, trying the idea out.
“I think so. Not that I’m an expert. I don’t feel this way about everyone.”
My brows went down. “I should hope not.”
This, I thought. He was afraid I had this with Stalker. I was just figuring out this was what the other boy wanted from me, only of my own free will. Not as a nasty chore forced on me. I had no doubt he’d bred to keep the Wolf population up, but it couldn’t have felt like this.
“I don’t want this to be a secret thing,” he said then. “People should know.”
“What?”
“That you’re mine.”
I bristled a little at hearing it phrased that way. “Fade. This doesn’t change anything. I still belong to myself, and while I choose to share this with you, it doesn’t mean you own me.”
“I’m not saying I do.” His voice rang with frustration, like there was some crucial, hidden component between us I couldn’t grasp.
“What are you saying, then?” I bet the girls at school with ribbons in their hair didn’t struggle with such confusion.
“That I have the right to kiss you … and nobody else does.”
Finally. I could agree to that. It would mean making my new status clear to Stalker, which might not go well. In hindsight, I felt pretty sure he wanted those rights himself. I’d feared Fade preferred Tegan, but maybe he’d sought her company because she was a familiar face, much the way I’d gone with Stalker. Everything seemed much more complicated now.
It also brought to mind a question. “When you asked if I would still choose you as my partner, is this what you wanted? Exclusive kissing rights?”