"Keep your rifle in your possession at all times unless instructed otherwise," Ronit tells us. "And watch your weapon closely. Liron or I might sneak up on you and take it in the middle of the night. If you don't wake up and we end up with your weapon, you'll have to do pushups come morning. Whether you keep it under your pillow or next to you in bed is up to you."
I grip my Ml6. I feel the smooth barrel and ridged handgrip. Not my first choice in sleeping partners, that's for sure. But since I have to sleep with it, I might as well give it a name.
George II.
"You shoot that rifle like a warrior woman, Amy," Nathan says. "I think Avi has rubbed off on you."
I don't feel like a warrior woman in the evening, after showers and I'm sitting on my bed wondering how I'm going to sleep with George II. The cold, hard black metal with traces of grease doesn't match my pink pillow.
Checking out how the other girls are sleeping with their guns, I notice most of them are placing them under their pillows. If I want a crick in my neck in the morning, putting the rifle under my pillow would be a great idea.
I don't want a sore neck in the morning.
Since I slide my arm under my pillow to sleep every night (it's hereditary; my dad does it, too), I figure George II will be better off if I sleep hugging him. I pull the covers up and lie on my pillow. Pulling George II closer, I hug him tight.
If Avi could see me now, hugging a black rifle tight enough so that Liron or Ronit can't steal it away from me in the middle of the night, he'd probably be proud.
I just wish it was Avi I was hugging instead of a big piece of metal. If only I could hug Avi tight enough so no girl could steal him away from me, I'd be happy.
Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.
Chapter 20
When your mom told you life isn't fair, she wasn't kidding.
The next day we're off to the obstacle course again. Avi isn't with us, so we're without a team leader. Liron said Sergeant B-S called him into his office, and nobody has seen him since.
Determined to master the monkey bars, I take a deep breath when it's my turn and swing my body from one bar to the next. My team cheers me on... even Tori, who has lost a tiny bit of her edge. We've fallen behind because of me, but when I finish the monkey bars without help and everyone claps for me, I catch a genuine smile on Tori's face as she congratulates me.
We still lose the race to Liron's team, but not by much. I think our team has finally become a cohesive unit, bolstered and strengthened by each other. When we all give high fives to each other, I catch sight of Avi standing next to Sergeant B-S. They both have very serious expressions on their faces.
Avi tells us we did a good job, then pulls me aside.
"If you're gonna tell me I should have gone up that rope by myself, I just couldn't," I tell him. "Next time I'll try. I promise."
"It's not about the rope, Amy."
He's definitely concerned about something. "What's wrong?"
Its your safta.
My grandma? I swallow hard, thinking the worst. She has cancer, but I thought she was doing okay. Was I wrong? "Is...is she okay?" I hardly get the words out because there's a lump in my throat.
"Your father called. She was taken to the hospital last night and he thinks you should go there. Just in case."
"Just in case oduhati"
He shrugs. "I don't know."
"What exactly did he say?"
"Sergeant Ben-Shimon gave me a forty-eight hour leave and use of a car. Come on, we can talk about it on the way."
I say my goodbyes to everyone in my unit. Even though Avi and I are abandoning them, Sergeant B-S says he'll take over as team leader for the next forty-eight hours until Avi comes back. My farewell is filled with tears, because I'm not coming back. And while I hated being here, I loved it too.
It takes me less than a half hour to pack up. Avi accompanies me to the bittan and doesn't leave my side the entire time. In the car, we're finally alone--without military restrictions or rules.
"So what did my dad say?" I ask.
"He said not to panic until they know more. He just wanted you with the family in case it's something serious."
"What if she's dying?"
"Don't start thinking the worst."
"That's like telling my dog Mutt not to smell crotches."
He looks sideways at me as he drives. "Is that why you think the worst of me?"
"You kissed Liron more than once. I didn't make it up."
"I admitted to kissing Liron. When you kissed Nathan, I heard you out and we got past it. Why won't you hear me out?"
I might as well tell him the truth. "Because I'm afraid."
"Of the truth?"
Of course. The truth hurts most of the time. I have a history of pushing people away in an effort to avoid the truth. "Yeah," I tell him. "I'm afraid of the truth. I think of you being attracted to someone else, and I feel sick. And when I visualize you kissing someone else, the pain is just too great. I thought you, of all people, would never disappoint me."
I look out the window, trying to avoid looking right at Avi. Admitting how much his betrayal has affected me makes me vulnerable.
"I've been waiting for some hint that you want to fight for us."
"I'm done fighting," I say.
"I'm not."
"It's an occupational hazard for you. You're a soldier, trained to fight."