The more I think of that, the more uncomfortable I am, and just to get rid of that feeling I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.
“How are things with you and Alice? I mean -”
I trail off there because what I want to ask him is if it was worth all the shit, but he gets it without me having to actually voice the words. A somewhat guarded look haunts his eyes for a moment, but then he smiles, and it's the first real emotion that Jazz has shown the whole evening until now.
“Seriously, she drives me crazy, but that's Alice. Wouldn't want to change a single thing, even if I could.”
I don't know why, but his words take a few moments to draw that animalistic pain from deep in my chest, and until then I actually feel myself being happy for them. Maybe Alice is right, maybe they really are soulmates and meant to be together. Bella certainly thinks they deserve each other, and right now I agree. If he's what Alice wants, she should be happy with Jazz. And for a few seconds I can even admit that I kind of want to see him happy, too.
But then the rational part of my brain is lost to the rage and agony crashing over me like a tidal wave, and the urge to punch him until he’s paid for what he’s done is nearly overwhelming. Only the fact that, despite whatever he was trying to accomplish, Bella's love for me was strong enough to cut through his plans is holding me back. If nothing else I owe her enough to honor her forgiveness, even though I don't understand it. For her I can keep it together, if not get over things as fast as everyone expects me to.
While I do a good job holding myself in check, I don't doubt that the look on my face must be murderous, and after a few moments Jazz's words confirm that suspicion.
“Fuck, Edward, you know how I meant that, I didn't want to -”
“I know exactly how you mean it,” I bite back and make eye contact with him to underline my words. “Trust me, I'm living with the results of your little plan every f**king day, and I'm the only one who has had to bear all the f**king consequences!”
Thankfully the girls come back before I can say anything still more embarrassing, and the weird look on Jasper's face helps only so much to tide over the grim feelings still fighting for dominance inside me. The moment Bella slips into her seat I get up, in terrible need of letting off some steam any way I can.
“Drinks, ladies? What so you think of a round of shots to start the evening off, on me?”
Bella graces me with a long look but nods immediately, and Alice follows suit. No one mentions the evident hostility the girls have come back to, so I try my best to play things down.
“Let me guess, three shots of tequila, and what can I bring you, dearest Alice mine?”
For some reason or other she's scowling again, but I know that tequila just makes her sick, while it's been the drug of choice for the rest of us.
“Jazz and I both take a shot of gin.”
I have to bite the inside of my cheek hard not to burst out laughing, and can somehow still turn that into a smirk when Jasper's shoulders sag in a mute sigh where Alice can't see it, but he nods.
“Gin for me, too, please.”
Bella blinks in irritation, knowing as well as I do that Jazz only drinks gin –
preferably warm – when he has to make himself hurl, but apparently the leash Alice put around his neck is tight enough that he doesn't dare speak up against her.
I nod and take off towards the bar, aiming for the straightest line I can manage. Our waitress is now mixing drinks there, and I place my order –
four shots of tequila oro and two shots of gin. I tip her extra for asking if we want salt and limes, or cinnamon and oranges, and I tell her to put both in the tray. While she's busy slicing the orange I chuck down two of the tequila shots, not bothering with the whole ritual but welcoming the raw burn down my throat and straight into my stomach.
“Let me guess, one of the girls has been the other's girlfriend, right? Only rivalry over some pu**y can get guys this riled up.” I stare at her, but her bright grin doesn't even falter.
“Nope. Good guess, but completely off.”
The waitress taps one lacquered nail against the wood of the bar.
“That's weird, really, because I remember you two being pretty tight. I mean your friend's Jasper Whitlock, and you're Edward Cullen.” I'm not even surprised that she knows Jazz, I wouldn't even be surprised to find out that she knows him, but usually his skanks don't recognize me, and I'd certainly remember her if she'd been one of our few mutual pickups.
Contrary to him I remember all the faces and names of the girls I've f**ked.
I still have to ask, out of curiosity.
“Oh, I've been working at Zero's before I got the job here, I remember you guys hanging out there sometimes. Come to think of it,” she muses, then puts the small dish with the orange and lime slices next to the shots before she reaches for a pen and napkin.
“If either, or both, of you guys find yourself alone without the ladies, give me-”
“Don't even bother,” I cut her off rudely, my voice harsh enough to make her stop in mid scrawl. When she eyes me askance, I feel a little bad for being so nasty, but I don't want Bella to know about this, and I certainly don't trust Jazz.
“I'm engaged, and his relationship is pretty serious, you'd just wait forever for a call that will never come.”
A shrewd look lights up her face and her smile is bordering on dirty, but she throws the napkin right into the trash.