“That might make sense to you, but it certainly doesn't make sense to me.” Bella sighs and slowly extracts her hand from mine. I don't want to let go as the gesture seems oddly significant, but if she doesn't want to, I can't hold her.
“And that's all?”
“What do you mean?”
She shrugs.
“So you're just resentful because you think we're all treating you unfairly because we don't loath Jazz with a vengeance?”
“Thanks for making me seem like a petulant child now on top of everything else.”
I know I should have taken that peace offering, but I just can't. She wants the truth, she can have it.
“And it's that's not 'all', as you so pointedly phrased it. I hate him, and I can't stand to see you so close to him. Physically and emotionally. Call me jealous, but tonight you picked him over me, like you always do. If he had earned to be the best friend I will always stay in competition with that would be fine, but he has done the complete opposite and still you take his side, bend over backwards not to egg on somewhere, while I have to deal with that.”
“Could you please stop being so unreasonable?” I just glare at her, but her temper is rearing its head now, too, because she sits up and frowns at me.
“What's next, you going to forbid me to see him just so that you can feel like you're the only man in my life?”
Her words hit me hard, but at least they sober me up. I know it's only a matter of time until she gets unreasonable, and I really don't want to fight right now. I'm tired of this, and I'm tired of having to justify speaking my feelings when she asks for them. So I get up and grab my pillow and the folded up comforter and turn to leave.
“What do you think you're doing?”
“I'm going to sleep downstairs on the couch. See you in the morning.”
“No, you're not! Edward, come back, we're having this conversation now and -”
The rest of her sentence is cut off when I close the door behind me, maybe a little too forcefully, and drag my sorry ass down into the living room. I'm not yet done sweeping the throw pillows off the sofa so that I can lie down when the door is wrenched open and Bella comes stomping down the stairs, a grumpy vision in a flimsy nighty.
“You can't run out on me just because what I'm saying is uncomfortable for you to hear!”
She's livid, and her accusation makes my own temper flare.
“Last time I looked I could still do whatever I wanted!”
“Maybe that's the problem, you can't! Because now it's no longer you, but us! Although right now I have the strong feeling that all this shit is hitting the fan because you're an egotistical ass**le!”
I can't really tell her to f**k off, although I'm tempted.
“Bite me. You're the one dishing out weird accusations, trying to make me seem worse than I am – while you claim to be any different!” She steps up to the couch and towers over me, and I'm so angry that I only notice in passing that the lace of the nighty is rather see through.
“Weird accusations? You want weird accusations, here you have one! I strongly believe that the only reason you're acting like a crazy idiot is that you've still got feelings for him! And I don't mean of the friendly, platonic kind!”
“Are you f**king insane? Do you even listen to a thing I say? I hate that freaking idiot, and if I never see him again it's still too soon!” My answer shuts her up, and I wonder if her anger isn't somewhat exaggerated so she can weasel some kind of confession out of me. It's not like Bella to do that, but she's had months to come up with her own crazy ideas, and neither of us is exactly rational right now.
“But he's been your friend ever since we moved here for college! You can't really hate him that much just because -”
I don't let her finish her sentence, although the desperation in her voice actually frightens me a little.
“Don't you see? I despise him exactly because he's been my friend for so long!”
“But his plan didn't really work, we're still together, and happy, and I think that we've grown so much closer because of all that shit. Doesn't that kind of, you know, take the sting away a little?”
I stare up at her while I try to hold on to my rage, but her voice is almost broken now, and the need to hold and comfort her is slowly wearing down my defenses.
“No, it doesn't. It was your love that made that possible, and until the very end he was trying to turn you against me. Do you even have the slightest clue how bad that weekend and the first few days afterwards were for me?” Her mouth opens but she doesn't say anything, and after a few moments she shakes her head.
“You never told me. You never tell me anything personal.” The accusation hurts, but for once I can't really say anything to prove her wrong.
“You actually told me you were happy I stopped moping after that Saturday at Beth's. That you were glad I was done with being so emo. And now you complain that I took your words to heart?”
“I didn't mean it like that! Yes, I admit it, having you lurk around and sulk for two weeks was hell! But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to tell me when something is bothering you!”
Silence falls, and it's nearly awkward. We both are at a loss for words, and I'd rather roll over and sleep now than continue this. But of course, Bella being Bella, she has other plans.