"Oh, really? Because I saw you go off with that Israeli guy you hugged this morning and I was worried. I mean, I know the rules state we can get kicked out of the program if we're caught fooling around."
"So you told the sergeant?"
"Oh, no. Actually I told Ronit I was worried something happened to you. Of course she was talking to Sergeant Ben-Shimon at the time." Tori puts her fingers to her lips and sucks in a breath. "I didn't get you in trouble, did I?"
I don't buy her fake concern for a second. I let out a big, hearty chuckle. "No."
Tori is officially a person I will never trust. The girl is as manipulative as this girl Roxanne at my school.
Tori now gestures in the direction of Avi's table. "How do you know him?"
"He's her boyfriend," Miranda informs her cheerily. "They've been dating for a year."
"Wow. A long-distance relationship?"
"Yep," I say.
"So are you guys exclusive or what?"
That's a tricky question. Avi and I agreed to have a don't ask/don't tell policy since we're apart for such long periods of time. If I go on a casual date, I'm not going to tell Avi. He's not going to tell me if he's been on one, either. Avi and I are boyfriend and girlfriend, but we're trying to be realistic about our relationship.
"He's not available, if that's what you're thinking," I say, more defensively than I mean to.
If they weren't aware of it previously, our entire table now knows I'm dating Avi. I try not to glance at him while we're eating, but I can't help it. A few times I catch him looking back at me, but as soon as we make eye contact he breaks it.
This is definitely not turning out the way I expected. Has coming here been a huge mistake?
After we're done eating and scrape our plates into the big garbage bins (that don't have liners so I'm not sure how they clean them), we're excused to our barracks. I try to linger, hoping to exchange a few words with Avi, but Ronit comes up to me with a big frown on her face.
"Amy?" she says.
"Yeah."
"Follow me."
Chapter 9
Is it any wonder the person who invented pushups hasn't come forward to claim their invention?
It's just me and Ronit walking away from everyone else. I follow my instructor to an open area, beyond the barracks. To my surprise, Avi and Sergeant B-S are waiting for us. Avi is standing at attention.
"Stand next to Avi," Ronit orders.
I have to get Avi out of trouble. I'm the one who lives in the gray areas of life, not Avi, so he shouldn't be reprimanded.
"We're very disappointed in both of you," Ronit says.
"It was my fault," I admit to our superiors. "I begged him to talk to me in priv--"
The sergeant, with a very pissed-off look on his face (which has just gone a dark shade of red resembling a very red grape), cuts me offin a stern loud voice. "Do not speak until spoken to!"
"But he--"
"Die!" (I learned back in January that die means "stop, enough!" in Hebrew... because when Avi told my dog to "die" when it was sniffing his crotch, I thought he was being rude, but he was just giving a command.)
I cover my mouth with my hands to stop myself from accidentally opening my lips and getting myself or Avi into more trouble.
Sergeant B-S steps between Avi and me. He gives Avi an order in Hebrew, then says, "Gefen, Kadimal" Then the sergeant turns to me. "Your job is to watch him. Come," he says, placing me a few feet in front of my boyfriend so I'm facing him.
"Watch him?" I question.
"Yes. Just stand and watch."
I know if I protest it's going to give him another reason to yell at me.
Avi, the ever-obedient soldier, gets on the gravel ground and does a pushup, then stands and our eyes meet. He repeats the pushup/standing exercise a few more times, and each time he stands our eyes meet. We can't talk, so our eye contact is the only way to communicate with each other.
Avis straight, direct eye contact with me is telling me that he's okay... he's strong and he's fine.
I'm feeling worse than guilty. I wonder when he'll get to stop.
Avi is still going strong after five minutes, even though his back must be bruised from the rifle strapped to him. His palms are probably raw and bleeding from the gravel, too, but he doesn't give any sign he's in pain.
I hate watching this. The day has started to cool off, but I'm sweating again. Every time he goes down for another pushup, I wince. When he comes up, I want to tell him I'm sorry and won't lure him away again. After ten minutes, I swallow back tears and give Sergeant B-S a pleading look. He's got his arms folded in front of him, and doesn't show any sign of planning to let Avi stop any time soon.
I know when Avi is in pain, even though by looking at him you couldn't tell. I know it because he stops looking directly at me when he stands between those pushups. He's looking forward, but not at me... he's looking through me. He's in "the zone" and is a robot now. It's a miracle he hasn't thrown up his dinner. I sure feel like throwing up mine.
My stomach twists. I can't deal with the fact that I'm just standing here doing nothing. I can't follow the order just to watch Avi. I know Avi won't stop until the sergeant says to, even if he's in pain.
I get it. Break down the soldier until they understand rules are not to be broken. Ever. Or else. Avi and I cannot go away in private even if we're dating. He knew this, but I lured him to break the rules and he did.