With that, Ronit leaves the three of us alone.
"I hate her," Jess says.
Miranda's mouth starts to quiver. I'm not sure if it's because she's late for lunch or because she doesn't know how to pee in a hole.
"My bladder is about to burst," I say, pushing past Jessica and closing the curtain shut.
"I'll go in the one next to you," Jess says.
I notice the graffiti on the side wall. In pen, someone etched words in English. It says: Beware of the Loof!
What or who is the Loof ?
I don't have time to think about the Loof too hard. I put my feet on the rubber pads and pull down my shorts. But when I try and squat, they're in the way.
"I can't squat for this long," Jess says. "My thigh muscles are starting to quiver."
"I think I just peed on my leg," Miranda informs us. Eww!
"When I'm finally in position, I can't relax because I'm listening to my two friends complain. "Shut up, guys. My pee is getting stage fright from listening to you both yapping."
"Thirty seconds!" Ronit yells from outside.
Yeah, as if pressure is going to help me relax.
I hear Miranda wash her hands and head outside. Then I hear Jess washing her hands by the sink. "Hurry up, Amy," she whispers loudly. "I don't want to do doo-doo duty."
I look down at the hole, to see if I am aiming in the right spot. "Oh, shit!" I yell. "My sunglasses fell in the hole!" I forgot they were on top of my head!
"If you stick your hand down there to get them, I cannot be best friends with you anymore. Just leave them!" Jess calls out. "And hurry up!"
"Those cost me $235."
"Now they're worth nothing. Come on!"
For a nanosecond I contemplate fishing them out of the crap (literally) below, but... I just can't. I think if I did I'd require more therapy than I already need.
Wiping myself (with brown toilet paper resembling brown paper towels they have in the art room at school-- which I now know is very scratchy and irritating on sensitive body parts) and putting my undies and shorts back on, I pray that I see Avi soon. Because this army experience is not me, and while I knew that the experience would be challenging, I also knew that seeing Avi for even a little bit would be worth it.
Now if I could just find my boyfriend...
Chapter 5
There are some things God never intended girls to do -- squatting when peeing is definitely high up on that list.
Lunch was in a hot and sweaty coed building. "Well, to be specific, I was hot and sweaty... the room was just hot. I caught a glimpse of Nathan, who seemed to be entertaining his table because everyone was focused on him. The meal consisted of overcooked chicken (considering I only eat white meat and came to lunch late, I was stuck eating legs and thighs), yellow rice, and a pea/mushroom concoction. Drinks were a choice of room-temperature tap water or room-temperature tap water (you guessed it, there wasn't a choice at all). And I'm not sure Israelis know what ice is, because every time I asked for it they got a confused look on their face.
Oh, yeah. They had hot coffee and hot tea as drink alternatives, but I don't drink those and anyway who in their right mind would want a hot beverage when it feels like it's a hundred degrees outside? There wasn't even a Coke machine.
At the end of our hurried meal, we all place our garbage in cans and the plates/silverware in plastic bins, and are instructed to line up outside in neat rows.
Someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around, hoping against all hope that it's Avi, but it's not. "Oh, it's you.
Nathan puts his arm around me. "Oh, come on. Admit that you missed me."
"We've only been apart for a little more than an hour, Nathan. Give me time to miss you." I shrug his arm off me. "I see you've made friends already."
"The guys in my unit are cool, but I'd rather bunk with you girls," he says as we line up with the others like good little soldiers. For over twenty minutes we're taught how to get in formation. Five rows of eight people each, an arm's length apart. "At ease" is hands behind your back with your legs spread shoulder width apart. "Attention" is saluting with your feet together.
Ronit is standing in front of the entire group, with Sergeant "Don't-Call-Me-Ben"-Shimon next to her.
"Let's just say I'm glad you're on the other side of the base," I whisper to Nathan as the sergeant starts talking.
"I can always sneak out with the guys and peek in on you girls while you're changing," he whispers back.
I wish I could talk louder but everyone is quiet, listening to the sergeant. I'll have to get briefed later on what he's saying, because I'm not listening. Instead, I whisper, "Nathan, you're a perv."
"We can call it Operation Boobie Watch," he whispers back, but emphasizes the word "boobie," which he knows I hate. Boobage, boobie, jugs, hammocks, etc... I hate all the nicknames for boobs.
Operation Boobie Watch? Eww! I know Nathan doesn't mean it. He's just trying to get a rise out of me because it entertains him. He knows how to push my buttons... especially when it comes to boobs.
God gave me this body, but I really wish he'd have given me less of it in the boob department.
In response to Nathan's comment, I shove him away from me. Which isn't the best idea in the world, because now Sergeant "Don't-Call-Me-Ben"-Shimon stops talking and focuses his ice-blue eyes on us.