He rubs my chin with another pad. He cups my cheeks in his hands and swipes my tears away with his thumbs. "I'm your team leader. You're my responsibility."
Duh! I should've known he wasn't being this nice because he still cared about me. I hold back a response. Time stops, though, as being this close brings back a flood of emotions. Avi leans forward, and I wonder whether, if I lean in, we'll kiss. I turn away before I'm tempted to try it. What if he turns away and my lips connect with his cheek? I'd die from embarrassment.
He packs up the unused gauze and the open packets. "I'm taking you back to the base now," he says, lifting me up and carrying me in his strong, protective arms.
While it's so tempting to lean my head into his neck and let him take care of me, his words from this morning are still echoing in my head.
"Avi, I want to finish the run." I swear I can almost hear my bruised body scream "no/" But I want to push myself. I want to prove to myself, to Avi, and to my entire unit that I'm a warrior woman. Back when we were digging ditches, Liron accused Avi of taking it easy on me. And as much as I feel happy and safe in Avi's arms, and would love to be carried down the mountain because my body is protesting every movement I make, I don't want to give up.
He slowly puts me down. "You don't have to."
"I know. But you told me this morning to push myself."
He shakes his head and points to my torn pants and shirt. "Not while you're bleeding and hurt."
I show him my gauze-covered arms. "Would you run even if you were bleeding?"
"Probably."
"Would Liron do it?"
"Probably. But she's been training alongside us Sayeret Tzefa trainees."
"Yeah, well, if she can do it, so can I." I strap on my canteen and slide my hot-pink headlight onto my head. I must look ridiculous with torn clothes, a scraped-up chin, and a hot-pink light that I'm not allowed to turn on, but I've got determination on my side. "I'm a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman and don't you forget it."
"I won't," he says, smiling as we start at a slow jog up the mountain to try and catch up with everyone else. "I'm looking forward to seeing how a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman does at live-fire rifle shooting tomorrow."
Huh? "Live fire?"
"What? You didn't think you were learning Ml6 rifle safety in the classroom for nothing, did you?"
Umm...
Chapter 18
Sometimes I'm a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman. and sometimes I'm not.
Everyone is totally surprised when Avi and I catch up to them on the night run. There's a big bonfire, and everyone is sitting around it. Sergeant B-S walks up to Avi and me and says something in Hebrew, which is obviously about me because Avi gestures to my torn uniform and scraped-up chin when he answers.
"You don't want to go back to the base?" Sergeant B-S asks.
"No." I have to admit I'm still in some pain, but whatever numbing stuff was on that pad Avi used on my arms has taken the edge off.
Sergeant B-S nods approvingly. "Gefen, make sure she gets checked when we get back."
Avi salutes the sergeant.
The bonfire lights up the area and spreads warmth into the cool desert air. I could point out to Sergeant B-S that if my headlight could alert the enemy to our location, a big bonfire would most likely ensure our immediate demise. But whatever. I'm trying to go with the flow here.
"You don't have to sit with me," I tell Avi as he hesitates at my side. He's probably desperate to get away from me and go to his girlfriend. While he was super nice to me when we were alone, it was obviously out of duty. Now that Liron is in sight, he's surely waiting for me to let him off the hook. "You should talk to Liron," I say. "There's an empty spot next to her. She's probably saving it for you."
He looks surprised, but he nods his head and shrugs. "You sure?"
"Yep. I'll be fine. Go." Ugh. My stomach is tied in knots as he walks away from me. I wish I hadn't pushed him to go to her, but it's better than asking him to sit with me and have him reject me... or worse, have him sit next to me but long to be with Liron.
I find a spot next to Tori.
"You look like crap," she tells me.
"Thanks. I'm sure I couldn't have figured that out on my own."
"Your bangs look good, though, thanks to me. Although the only way to hide the nasty cuts on your chin would be to grow a beard. I don't think it'll be too hard for you."
I stand up. "If I wanted to be insulted, I would have sat next to Nathan. Nice talking to you. Bye."
"Wait!" she says, reaching out to grab the side of my pants. "I was just kidding."
"Do you even know how to be nice?"
I can see Tori perfectly in the light of the fire. Her blond hair shines like a halo, and her darker hair underneath looks like a protective shield. She looks up at me and says honesty, "I used to."
So now I feel sorry for her. Her little sincere comments make her vulnerable, which is something we have in common. I sit back down and stare into the fire.
"My parents thought I'd get over my anger about their divorce if I spent time with kids my own age and my own religion." She shakes her head in disgust. "Parents have no clue what their kids need."
Ha. "You think that's bad? I came on this trip to spend time with Avi. Look where that's gotten me." I gesture to Avi, sitting next to Liron.