And I was a half-breed outcast.
And all the love in the world couldn't change those two facts.
Hot tears burned their way down my cheeks. I let them fall, too tired to bother wiping them away. No one could see me in the predawn darkness of my bedroom anyway.
What could I do to change things, to make it okay some how for Tristan and me to be together openly? Could I talk to my father, maybe get him to convince the vampire council to change their minds? Could Tristan talk to his parents and the other elders in the Clann, make them see that they were wrong about him and me?
I rolled over, hugging my knees beneath the blanket Nanna had crocheted for me.
Who was I kidding? The Clann and the vampires had been fighting each other for centuries. Their hate and fear of each other had begun long before even Nanna was born. They hadn't changed their minds for my father and my mother. Why would they change their minds just because Tristan and I had fallen in love, too?
I remembered the way Tristan had looked at me in last night's dream, all the elaborate details he'd pulled together just to give us a perfect New Year's Eve celebration. The way he'd stared right into my soul and told me that he loved me.
Everything might change if he knew the truth.
What would he think if he knew I was half vampire? There was no telling what he'd been told all his life about vampires. At the very least, he had to have been taught to fear them, to view them as the enemy waiting for a chance to drink his blood and drain him dry.
He might start to see me that way, too.
Maybe if I loved him a little less, I could take that chance and tell him the truth. But I couldn't. I loved him too much to risk it. I never wanted him to question even for a second why I was with him or how I felt about him.
I just prayed that the adult descendants in the Clann kept their promise and never told him, either.
CHAPTER 17
Tristan
The new Charmers spring practice schedule was killing me.
Starting in February, for the next two and a half months, it seemed like the Charmers intended to eat, sleep and breathe preparations in the school auditorium for the team's annual Spring Show. In addition to their regular morning practices, afternoon practices had been extended from six to seven o'clock every evening, plus Saturday practices.
Savannah had put me on the stage crew with the other escorts and team dads. Unfortunately, they also took volunteers, including Dylan Williams this year. He was dating one of the Brat Twins, and no descendants were Charmers. So he must be volunteering either to annoy me or spy on me. Whatever his motives were, I was ready to kill him with my bare hands. And we were still only three weeks into the show preparations.
The jerk was always around, always watching. Every time I started to pull Savannah behind a prop or curtain for a kiss during the after-school practices, Dylan popped up with some request for help or a question for her. At least I still had the mornings with her, though.
Right now, that was all we had, since the spring weather was so crappy I hadn't been able to sleep outside in order to dream connect. Even morning practices didn't give us many chances to be alone together, because she worked mostly backstage on the sound and lights while I was outside or in the gym helping build and paint sets. And every time I caught her upstairs in the mornings, either an officer or a manager was in the nearby costume closet.
We couldn't even risk dinner dates after practice anymore, because everyone started working in separate groups for the show's dance numbers, and they all left at different times.
Between the new practice schedule, the stormy weather and Dylan's spying eyes, my time with Savannah had been reduced to the ten short minutes we had alone together each morning before practice began.
I was slowly going insane.
Maybe if I'd never kissed her, held her, spent countless hours talking with her, our forced separation wouldn't be so bad. But I had, I was crazy about her, and...
And I flat-out missed her.
It was a Friday night. Everyone was gone. If not for her worries that we would be seen together, I'd have taken her out of town for a late dinner before now. I would have to find a way to change her mind about it tonight. After three weeks of practically no alone time together, she had to be going as crazy as I was.
Almost time to lock up for the evening. Finally. I checked the costume closet, turned off the dance-room lights and closed the doors. One less room for Savannah to have to shut down so we could leave quicker. I already knew where to take her to eat.
I headed down to the stage to collect the sound system, waiting as Savannah gathered up CDs and threw the stage's breakers. In the darkness broken only by her flashlight, the urge to kiss her nearly overpowered me. But I'd wait a little longer. Soon enough, I'd have her snuggled up against my side in my truck and on the way to a quiet, romantic dinner at a real table with real chairs and real food.
And maybe it would be enough to last me another week.
"Did you close up the dance room?" she asked as we reached the office.
"Yeah. Thought I'd save you some time. I think everyone's gone now anyway."
"Thanks." She locked the office closet. Then we stepped out of the room so she could turn off the lights.
As she locked the door, I said, "So listen, I'd really like to take you out tonight. There's this fantastic place about thirty minutes away, very quiet, cozy, good food-"
"Tristan, we can't. You know that." She turned to face me with a sigh.
I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "This restaurant's small, not as popular with the adults. I doubt we'll see anyone we know."
"You and the Clann know everyone."
"Not everyone. And I'll ask for a corner booth so no one will see us."
"I don't know."
She was wavering; I could see it in her eyes. "Please, Sav? I haven't seen you much for weeks." Smiling, I grabbed her and kissed her at the end of every sentence. "I miss you. I'm dying here. You've reduced me to begging."
"Tristan! Someone might see-"
I backed her toward the prop closet. "No, they won't. Everyone's gone for the night."
Suddenly, I couldn't wait. We could leave in a few minutes. First...
Reaching out blindly, I found the closet doorknob and pulled the door open.
"Savannah," I whispered against her lips as her hands stroked my neck, my shoulders, my chest. "I can't handle this, not seeing you."