Looking pale, Sylvain slipped an arm around her. His worried blue eyes searched her face.
‘Do you feel better?’
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak yet. He pulled her into a warm hug. Through his shirt, she could feel his own racing heart – she knew she’d scared him. She’d scared herself.
Over his shoulder she saw Carter looking down at the floor.
Stepping up to Allie, Jerry pressed the back of his hand against her clammy forehead. He lifted her wrist and felt her pulse with his fingertips.
After a moment, he let go. ‘Would you stay with her, Sylvain?’ he said. ‘Get her to drink some water. If she still feels ill, take her up to the infirmary.’
‘Of course,’ Sylvain said.
After the teachers walked to their classrooms, Sylvain turned to Carter. ‘Thank you, Carter.’
His tone was fervent but Allie wished she could stop him.
Don’t thank him for helping his ex-girlfriend, she thought. Don’t do that.
‘It was nothing,’ Carter said.
He headed back to the classroom without meeting Allie’s eyes, and she watched him go.
It wasn’t nothing, she thought.
Sylvain kept his arm around her as they walked down the quiet hallway to the kitchen where he poured a tall glass of water.
As she leaned against the counter sipping it, he stood across from her, watching her with caution, as if, she thought, she might catch fire.
‘It was seeing Zelazny,’ she said, although he hadn’t asked. ‘Thinking about Jo …’
‘I thought so.’ His tone was gentle. ‘You don’t have to explain.’
But she couldn’t seem to stop explaining.
‘Carter used to have panic attacks,’ she said. ‘He knows how to handle them.’
It was important that he shouldn’t misunderstand what had just happened – how Carter had pushed him out of the way. And leapt to help her when she needed him.
But even as she tried to explain how it didn’t matter, her mind kept replaying the scene as if it did. The way Carter hadn’t hesitated. How she’d thought she would die until he was there.
‘I need to learn how to help you, too,’ Sylvain said, interrupting her confused thoughts. ‘He might not always be so close when you … when this happens.’
She’d had the anxiety attacks ever since Christopher ran away. She hadn’t had one in months, though. Because of that, she’d allowed herself to believe she was done with them.
God, how she hated them. Hated the way her body betrayed her. The way it let everyone know she was afraid.
It had to stop.
Allie set her jaw. ‘I’m never doing it again. That was the last panic attack I’m ever having. I’m done.’
Sylvain knew better than to argue.
‘That’s good,’ he said.
‘Besides, you’ve already protected me from bullets and kidnapping,’ Allie said. ‘You don’t have to protect me from everything, you know.’
His expression darkened. ‘Yes, I do.’
He crossed the space between them in two steps and then she was in his arms.
‘Don’t you see, Allie? I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,’ he said.
Resting her head against his shoulder, she breathed in his familiar scent. ‘Bad things always happen to me.’
She said it with a complete lack of self-pity. She wasn’t looking for sympathy. It was the truth. Carter knew it already, because he was just like her. Bad things happened to him, too. It was like they were born under the same dark star. But she worried Sylvain didn’t understand it yet and he had to. If they were going to be together, he needed to know what he was getting into.
He didn’t look convinced.
‘I will never get used to it,’ he said firmly. ‘I will stop it.’
His determination warmed her heart. Standing on her toes, she kissed him. His lips were warm and gentle against hers, as if he was cautious – afraid of hurting her.
But she wanted more. She’d felt like she was going to die and now she wanted to feel alive. Wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.
He responded instantly, pulling her closer, opening his lips to hers.
Her hands clenched his shirt and she pushed him back against the counter, pressing herself against him. Demanding more …
At that moment a noise in the hallway – teachers or guards passing mid-conversation – startled them and they leapt apart guiltily. They both struck casual poses, breathing heavily.
When the people in the hallway passed by without coming into the kitchen, Sylvain leaned back against the counter across from her, studying her. He looked feverish and eager.
Allie knew just how he felt. Kissing him made all the doubts go away. All the bad thoughts. All the fear. When she kissed him, all she thought about was her body. And his body.
‘I have to be alone with you,’ he whispered, and the desire in his voice made her shiver. ‘Somewhere we won’t be disturbed.’
Right at this moment, Allie wanted that, too. But she knew it wasn’t possible. Not now.
‘Where, though?’ she asked. ‘The guards watch everything. They’re even in the girls’ dorm.’
Sylvain’s smile was confident; sexy. ‘I’ll find a place.’
Zelazny must have told Isabelle about the panic attack because as soon as Allie’s last class ended, the headmistress ordered her to the infirmary to be checked out.