Like Noah, I force myself to have low expectations and keep a positive attitude. I can't help thinking about what Sofia said: You're a Barak. No Barak is a quitter. But I also can't help thinking about desert scorpions, snakes, and hairy spiders. I'm thinking about other comforts of home as I raise my hand.
"Amy, do you have a question?"
"Yeah," I say. "Umm...is there a bathroom where we're headed?"
"Absolutely." She comes back and holds up a small shovel. "The entire place is one big bathroom. Just dig a hole and relieve yourself."
Chapter 26
Being a leader sometimes means taking one for the team.
We line up with our rifles strapped to our backs and our canteens freshly filled with water. "We've been told that sleeping bags will be issued at our final destination, but it might just be a rumor. What isn't a rumor is that we're sleeping in our fatigues--talk about roughing it.
The girls are freaking out about the toilet situation, so we've all come up with a plan to bring Jess's biodegradable wipies in our pockets. As a last-minute grab, I snatch my pink satin pillow off my mattress. I won't be able to sleep without it.
"What's that?" Sergeant B-S asks me in the courtyard, before we're ordered to march out. He's pointing at my pillow, which I'm clutching to my chest.
"My special pillow. I can't sleep without it."
He shakes his head. "No. Zis is not beseder --not okay. Put it back"
Well, it was worth a try. Luckily he can't see the wip-ies hidden in our fatigue pockets. I set my pillow back on my mattress and hurry back to Sergeant B-S and the rest of my unit.
I'm not risking another fall like I had on the night of our run, so I find myself in a slow jog next to Miranda. "Are we friends again?"
She glances at me as we jog side by side. "Yeah. I was always your friend, Amy. I just got upset for a stupid reason."
"Because Nathan was pretending to be my boyfriend? I'm sorry, Miranda. I know you like Nathan as more than a friend. It was insensitive of me to think you wouldn't care that I made a deal with him to get Avi jealous."
"It's okay. I know Nathan likes Tori. Girls like me never get a guy. Seriously, I tried to hit on Nimrod a few nights ago and he didn't even notice."
That's not a shocker, considering he's g*y. "I hear he's already dating someone," I say. "What about Noah?"
"Colorado Noah?"
"Yeah," I say, feeling her out. "He's such a teddy bear, isn't he?"
"You mean chubby."
"I mean nice. Like you."
"Yeah, he's nice."
I nudge Miranda and smile. "Give up on Nathan, Miranda. Now don't get mad at me for saying this, but I think you've been crushing on Nathan for so long because you're afraid to like someone who might actually like you back. You're stalling."
"You're acting like a therapist, Amy."
"I've been to enough of them to know what I'm talking about. Open your eyes to new people." I point to Noah, who's up ahead giving encouragement to our unit, telling us to keep going even though we're tired.
"He helped me on the range today," she tells me.
I give myself an inner high five for instigating that little moment. "We jog slowly beside each other, neither of us saying anything for a while. It could be because we're panting from the jog... or it could be because my words are sinking in.
"Thanks, Amy," Miranda says eventually.
"You're welcome."
We finally get to our destination, which is a makeshift campground in the middle of the Negev desert. I can just sense the Israeli scorpions and snakes waiting for a taste of American blood. It's dark already, but the billions of stars in the sky brighten the night. I look up, wondering if Avi is looking at those same stars. I miss him so much I ache inside, but I'm trying to stay positive and strong. I've got to admit it's tough to be running and setting other people up when the love of my life, the guy who makes me want to be a better person, isn't with me.
Ronit tells us to sit in a big circle. She passes out cans of what looks like fancy dog food.
"What is this?" I ask her as I lift off the top.
"Dinner."
"Dinner?"
"It's called Loof."
Oh, no! Loof! I remember the bathroom wall with the words Beware of the Loof. "Don't we have pita? Or hummus?" I ask her. Listen, those are Israeli staples.
"No. It's Loof or nothing tonight. This is what the soldiers eat on missions and in desert training. Remember, this isn't a spa."
I examine the muddy brown substance. "Do you eat it with a fork or a spoon?"
"Whichever you want," Ronit tells me.
I look at my friends, all sniffing their own processed chunk of food/meat passing as a meal. I have to admit it smells like pasteurized liver, if there is such a thing. I admit I've never eaten liver before, even the chopped liver my dad made a couple of times. But it's Israel, so at least I know it's kosher and has been blessed by a rabbi.
"Plug your nose and eat the Loof," Noah suggests. "Then it's not so bad." I watch as he scoops out a chunk of the stuff and chows down.
My friends are looking at me for direction. Should we follow in Mr. Positive/No Expectations' footsteps or starve?
I could reveal that I brought my own provisions-- KifKafi --in the pockets of my pants. They've probably melted, but melted KifKafi are probably better than Loof any day of the week.