PROLOGUE
Death hovers in the shadows. Through the slit of the window, the barest of moonlight filters in. I've always drawn comfort from it, but tonight it's Connor offering me solace.
Within our prison, the mound of blankets softens the floor beneath us. One blanket covers us. Connor never bothered to put on the sweatshirt I brought him, so my fingers have the luxury of dancing over his bare chest.
"Don't be afraid, Brittany." Connor's voice is soft, gentle.
But how can I not be afraid? We both know that tomorrow we might die. Facing death brings urgency to life. All the things we've put off, all the things we haven't dared to explore suddenly loom before us as dreams that might never be fulfilled.
Connor holds me close, his warm lips brushing over my temple. Beneath my palm I feel the steady pounding of his heart. How can his be so calm when mine is fluttering like a bird trapped in a cage?
He skims his mouth over my cheek. I hear him taking a deep breath, inhaling my fragrance. I press my face into the curve of his neck and take his unique scent into my lungs. Even here, inside this building where we're held captive, he smells of the outdoors: evergreens, rich earth, sweet nectar, sharp foliage. He smells of everything I love and more.
I've waited so long to know the feel of his hands moving slowly over my back, urging me closer. I never want these moments to end.
"Don't be afraid," he whispers again.
Then the beast inside him that always hovers near the surface breaks free and chases away the gentleness. He kisses me hungrily, desperately as though with our wildness we can ward off the arrival of our enemy. I eagerly return his kiss. I want to experience life with a passion I've never before known. I accept that under normal circumstances we might not be tasting each other or running our hands over each other. But these circumstances aren't normal.
We've been stripped of everything except the intense craving to experience everything we'll soon be denied.
"I love you, Brittany," he whispers.
Tremors cascade through me. My heart pounds against my chest so hard that I'm afraid my ribs might crack. With his words, he's given me what I'd always longed for, what I absolutely don't deserve.
Will his love turn to hate tomorrow when he discovers that I've betrayed him?
ONE
Eight days earlier
Tonight was the big night, the one I'd waited for my entire life. The awakening, the first shift—the loss of my moon virginity.
A few minutes earlier, I'd removed all my clothes. I sat on them now in a small clearing deep in the forest, surrounded by towering trees. Chill bumps erupted along my skin. It was summer. July. But our hidden compound, Wolford, was located in a national forest that bordered Canada. When the sun retreated, the nights grew cool.
Brimming with impatience, I waited. I'd never wanted anything as badly as I wanted this. Well, except maybe a mate.
But I couldn't help but believe after this momentous night—after I'd proven myself worthy—that the right guy would finally step forward and claim me.
I'd celebrated my seventeenth birthday three days earlier. The first full moon since that day was rising in the night sky. When it reached its zenith, I would transform into a gorgeous creature— into a wolf.
I'd envisioned it a thousand times. I would shed my human shell to reveal what I'd always known resided inside me. I willed it to happen. Even though I knew I should be terrified I wasn't. My fur would be blue-black, just like my hair. My eyes would remain a deep blue. Earlier in the summer, Connor had told me that they reminded him of an ocean surrounded by more ocean. We'd been drinking beer with some campers at the time. I knew his slurred words didn't mean anything, but they'd still given me hope that somehow Connor would become my mate. But the hope had finally shriveled into nothingness, and I focused on the larger picture, the greater good.
For as long as we'd existed, the male of our species had chosen his mate after his transformation and before hers. He went through his alone, but he stood by his mate when she endured her first shift, guiding her so she experienced more pleasure than pain. No female had made the change alone in generations—and the ones who had in the past were considered myths. Legend proclaimed that without a mate, a female faced excruciating pain followed by certain death.
Guess I was about to find out, because no one had claimed me as his mate. The elders, the wise men of our clan, the ones who guided us with their wisdom, had even tried to connect me with someone—Daniel—so I wouldn't have to go through this night alone. I knew they meant well, were trying to protect me, but I didn't want just anyone. I wanted Connor McCandless.
So two nights ago, I'd slipped away from Wolford in the middle of the night. I knew with his sense of smell that Daniel would be able to track me if he wanted to. But I also knew that he was the type of guy who would respect my decision to leave without him. Somewhere out there was the right girl for him, and we both knew it wasn't me.
The first transformation was an intimate, personal experience. I didn't want to go through it with someone who was serving as a stand-in for the real deal, for my true mate. In my heart, it would always be Connor. If I went through this with another guy, I'd feel like I was cheating on Connor. It was an irrational thought because we'd never be together. Still I couldn't control how I felt.
Earlier in the summer, my mom had even offered to go through my first transformation with me—but that was as creepy as the idea of going to the prom with her. Some things I simply didn't want her to share with me. So I'd encouraged her to take her annual summer trip to Europe. I was fine on my own.
But now as I stared at the yellow orb that possessed more power than humans realized, an uncharacteristic loneliness washed over me. Tonight Connor was with Lindsey because she was going through her first shift beneath the full moon, too. Last summer he'd declared her his mate in front of the entire pack. He believed she was his true love. I wasn't as convinced. Lately, I'd noticed her staring at Rafe. I thought maybe she wanted him, but she'd been promised to Connor, and our traditions weren't meant to be broken.
I couldn't help wishing that Connor had selected me. He had this cute way of using his fingers to comb his shaggy blond hair out of his stunning blue eyes. He was tall, strong, and possessed a body honed to perfection by the constant shifting. Like all male shifters, he was predatory and dangerous. Totally hot.